Every year, the veteran & makkhichoos investor -Mr. Moron Lapet sends an open letter to investors…Whole investors’ community looks for his guidance…In this year’s letter he has guided people how to tackle recession… Here is the copy of his letter:
Dear All,
The whole world is grappling with recession... When new sources of revenues become rare to find and existing ones inflexible to expand, you have no other option than cost-cutting...Then it is the time to re-think of some basic yet important things in your life... Continue with 're-session'(s) of thoughts-n-strategies till you arrive at-'least' cost level...Initiate this process with following advice:
Marriage:
Boys – If, unfortunately, you are already engaged, defer your marriage by at least 2 years... If you can’t defer it, run away from your home to get married in court – even if your parents do no have objection for your marriage… Court marriage will help you to reduce one-time capital expenditure on marriage – which ultimately is subject to daily depreciation only…(After getting married, please return to your parents house...Separate house is not affordable these days...) If, luckily, you are still single, watch romantic movies at home… If you still want to get married, then include financial criteria also in your list (apart from physical criteria of beauty and figure)…Think practical guys…If you are already married, please do not you dare think of divorce…Continuing with your marriage is certainly the less expensive option…
Girls: Don’t get married at all…Your independence is certainly a valuable asset during recession… (Boys…Please thank me for providing such advice)…If any girl wants someone to pay for her personal expenses during this slow-down, please get married…
Love:
Boys: Remember no one loves for ‘what you are’ minus your salary package minus bank balance… Hence Love yourself…that’s the best, safest and zero-cost option you can have…
Girls: If you are already in love, keep checking employment status of your boyfriend…If you don’t want to love anybody, at least pretend that you are still available…there will be many guys to provide stimulus packages (of course financial) to up-lift your ‘Shopping-based’ economy which is already down due to recession…
Electricity: Watch TV programs at your neighbour’s house…Iron your clothes on the back of your refrigerator (when it gets heated)…
Business: Venture into the business of Maternity hospital (even though you are not a gynaecologist...) As long as there are concepts like ‘ghar ka chiraag’ and 'khaandaan ka naam'…Pregnancy is recession-proof industry…Family Planning will affect the volume of your business... But huge population base offers you enough scope...
Entertainment: Find out all the possible ways to entertain yourself free of cost…
Married people: You know what you can do…If you don’t, there are many to replace you… Unmarried people: Read previous line and be ready for replacement…Or keep laughing at miserable lives of married people… Girls: Please continue with your gossip…
Watch movies on pirated DVDs only...(I support piracy...It's the only way to reduce economic inequality between me and those people who can afford to buy a movie-ticket!)...
Financial Planning: Don’t invest your money anywhere…It’s better to keep it safe at your home…These days, rats/cockroaches are safer than banks....Don’t spend anything you have… Keep borrowing till you become insolvent…Then government would come out with relief packages…By that time, you must have been rendered homeless… Build a zopadi on pavement (if there is still any space left) …Within few years, you would get a free home to live in…
Decision: Don’t try to change your job or wife…You may never know how dangerous new boss or new wife might be…Known devils are better than unknown ones…Any such type of risk is not advisable in this recession...
Friends: Demand treats from your friends on every little occasion (or even in the absence of any occasion)... Cash-rich and generous friend(s) is the need of hour..."A friend who can feed is the friend indeed..."
Neighbours: These are age-old tricks...Read your neighbour's newspaper before he picks it up in the morning...Enjoy quarrels/fights at their home...(Refer Entertainment point)...Keep asking them for 1 bowl of sugar/grains etc etc...Hence remember..."Love your neighbours"...(especially if they have a beautiful daughter...)
Food : Keep visiting your neighbours or friends at the time of dinner only…If they want to come to your house for dinner…Just lock your door from outside and hide in your kitchen…Within 2 months, no one will be your friend or relative…and you would run out of your options…Then call me for advice…but I would come for dinner also…Because even I have run out of my options…
4 comments:
Well... "A friend who can feed is the friend indeed..." What a line!!! Definitely some food for thought there! But, feminist that I am, some of Moron Lapet's assumptions about girls and their "gossiping and shopping based economies" did leave a bad taste in the mouth!
But all in all, an entertaining post... Quite funny... definitely a comic relief in these somewhat "depressing" times... :)
You show your financial base what ever you do. When many are brooding about recession, you are showing them how to tackle these incessant sessions (re-session).
Thanks for the help. I am (read 'WE') going to implement it from this Saturday just like
"Demand treats from your friends on every little occasion (or even in the absence of any occasion).."
In this "recessioned" world this is "ReSeasoned" blog again.
A very entertaining suggestion of cost-cutting during recessions... especially the one about venturing into a business! :D
The post is again full of ur trademark humor and the financial genius that u r...Evn though I might not necessarily agree wid ur thots and opinion on women I wud restate the point tht evry1 said it definitely is an entertaining post especially in times like these :)
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