Sharma aur Holi......

“Hello…Punjab Power…Lighting up your life”….These may not be the exact words Mr. Sharma may utter while picking up the phone…But his dressing style-n-lifestyle was similar to that of Suriji in ‘Rab ne bana di Jodi’…Mr. Sharma...a common man with a simple life…Struggling everyday for his survival on this earth… His lower middle-class life in Mumbai was going on like a man dragging his feet in despair…

It was the day of Holi…He ventured out of his house to earn his bread-n-butter…He was about to reach the railway station…and someone threw a balloon at his white shirt – splashing red colour all over his shirt…He thought of going back to his house and change his shirt…But one late-mark in the office muster…and he would lose half day's pay – which he could not afford in his fight to meet two ends (Read: First and last day of every month)…He decided to continue with his dangerous local-train-journey towards his office…And he observed one thing…much to his surprise...that everyone was looking at his shirt…Many people were laughing at him…Girls were giggling at him..Someone rarely had sympathetic look…Yet…he was very happy with it…because in a normal life, nobody cared to give him a damn…and just because of his wet-n-colourful shirt…he had become the centre of attraction at this moment…Having attention of girls was a special achievement for him…which he had never managed so far in his entire life…In addition to this…he got a comfortable place to stand inside the local compartment…as no one dared to stand close to him - to get coloured by his shirt…He was enjoying this luxury for the first time being used to hanging on doors of train…fighting for space to put his foot inside compartment…

That night…He came outside to celebrate Holi…Standing next to bonfire, he could imagine all his worries-n-tensions getting burned with Holi…At the time of shouting ‘gaalis’ loudly, he yelled-shouted-sweared at every opportunity…A common man like him doesn’t get a chance like this to air his opinions…and he utilized it to the maximum extent… Neighbours living in his building – who never said Hi / Hello to him – were talking to him…applying colour on his face…This was the only day when people were ready to recognize him as a human being and his existence on this earth…and even if it was meant to have colourful fun…He felt nice… Those colourful faces of everyone made him to think of them as equal…regardless of caste, language and status…He danced on the beats of DJ…like no one is watching him…till his bones were about to get dislocated from their original place…Some political party workers –who always thought of him as an outsider in Mumbai – also joined him…A festival like Holi – made him an insider – at least for one night…

Next day…He again enjoyed getting his entire body painted in different colours…So much that he had become unrecognizable…Looking in the mirror…He had hearty laugh at himself…A common man had a makeover free of cost…(and yes…fortunately he could afford a soap)… Drinking bhaang made him laugh without a pause…and forget all the problems in his life…including job insecurity in this recession....

So far so good…After having enough of bhaang, he decided to return to home…On the way…He met his childhood friend whom he loved so much – but never had he dared to propose to her… he was always scared of her beauty, financial status and lifestyle…and his love remained silent expecting rejection…But today was different day altogether…Bhaang still had effect on his brain…He proposed her and got slapped immediately…It brought him back on this earth…

He went home…But he was a very happy soul today…as he had dared to do something which he never thought to be possible…He resolved that, next day onwards, he is not going to continue with his boring life…Not a new life exactly…but same life…with new colours, newly-found guts and a nasha that bhaang can have...

Sometimes a festival can bring a refreshing change in a common man’s life…no need to visit expensive restaurants…luxury malls…Only thing he needs is...a different perspective to look at ordinary things with an ability to find happy moments in day-to-day life...I guess...a common man can afford it....!!

Dummies Guide to Recession........

Every year, the veteran & makkhichoos investor -Mr. Moron Lapet sends an open letter to investors…Whole investors’ community looks for his guidance…In this year’s letter he has guided people how to tackle recession… Here is the copy of his letter:

Dear All,

The whole world is grappling with recession... When new sources of revenues become rare to find and existing ones inflexible to expand, you have no other option than cost-cutting...Then it is the time to re-think of some basic yet important things in your life... Continue with 're-session'(s) of thoughts-n-strategies till you arrive at-'least' cost level...Initiate this process with following advice:

Marriage:

Boys – If, unfortunately, you are already engaged, defer your marriage by at least 2 years... If you can’t defer it, run away from your home to get married in court – even if your parents do no have objection for your marriage… Court marriage will help you to reduce one-time capital expenditure on marriage – which ultimately is subject to daily depreciation only…(After getting married, please return to your parents house...Separate house is not affordable these days...) If, luckily, you are still single, watch romantic movies at home… If you still want to get married, then include financial criteria also in your list (apart from physical criteria of beauty and figure)…Think practical guys…If you are already married, please do not you dare think of divorce…Continuing with your marriage is certainly the less expensive option…

Girls: Don’t get married at all…Your independence is certainly a valuable asset during recession… (Boys…Please thank me for providing such advice)…If any girl wants someone to pay for her personal expenses during this slow-down, please get married…

Love:

Boys: Remember no one loves for ‘what you are’ minus your salary package minus bank balance… Hence Love yourself…that’s the best, safest and zero-cost option you can have…

Girls: If you are already in love, keep checking employment status of your boyfriend…If you don’t want to love anybody, at least pretend that you are still available…there will be many guys to provide stimulus packages (of course financial) to up-lift your ‘Shopping-based’ economy which is already down due to recession…

Electricity: Watch TV programs at your neighbour’s house…Iron your clothes on the back of your refrigerator (when it gets heated)…

Business: Venture into the business of Maternity hospital (even though you are not a gynaecologist...) As long as there are concepts like ‘ghar ka chiraag’ and 'khaandaan ka naam'…Pregnancy is recession-proof industry…Family Planning will affect the volume of your business... But huge population base offers you enough scope...

Entertainment: Find out all the possible ways to entertain yourself free of cost…

Married people: You know what you can do…If you don’t, there are many to replace you… Unmarried people: Read previous line and be ready for replacement…Or keep laughing at miserable lives of married people… Girls: Please continue with your gossip…

Watch movies on pirated DVDs only...(I support piracy...It's the only way to reduce economic inequality between me and those people who can afford to buy a movie-ticket!)...

Financial Planning: Don’t invest your money anywhere…It’s better to keep it safe at your home…These days, rats/cockroaches are safer than banks....Don’t spend anything you have… Keep borrowing till you become insolvent…Then government would come out with relief packages…By that time, you must have been rendered homeless… Build a zopadi on pavement (if there is still any space left) …Within few years, you would get a free home to live in…

Decision: Don’t try to change your job or wife…You may never know how dangerous new boss or new wife might be…Known devils are better than unknown ones…Any such type of risk is not advisable in this recession...

Friends: Demand treats from your friends on every little occasion (or even in the absence of any occasion)... Cash-rich and generous friend(s) is the need of hour..."A friend who can feed is the friend indeed..."

Neighbours: These are age-old tricks...Read your neighbour's newspaper before he picks it up in the morning...Enjoy quarrels/fights at their home...(Refer Entertainment point)...Keep asking them for 1 bowl of sugar/grains etc etc...Hence remember..."Love your neighbours"...(especially if they have a beautiful daughter...)

Food : Keep visiting your neighbours or friends at the time of dinner only…If they want to come to your house for dinner…Just lock your door from outside and hide in your kitchen…Within 2 months, no one will be your friend or relative…and you would run out of your options…Then call me for advice…but I would come for dinner also…Because even I have run out of my options…