Life-Story : 2050...

Everyday I write my experiences, thoughts in my diary…This is the futuristic projection of my diary and Year is 2050!!

Here are the excerpts from my diary…

Date: 1St April

Today is the 1st day of new financial year…Since morning, I was thinking of how companies and stock market would perform in this New Year… Suddenly I got a reminder on my black-berry (people keep telling me this is the time to change my old-age black-berry phone...which I had purchased in 2010…But I am not going to buy a new phone until its book value reduces to zero…and it will never…as I have adopted Written Down Value Method!)… Ah! So reminder was saying…Today is our Wedding Anniversary!!...and I had completely forgotten about that…I quickly called my wife…I wished her for so many years of strategic alliance with me… As a part of celebrations, we had dinner with other family members at home, while watching CNBC show…We all enjoyed debating on Stock Market movements…That was the most economical and inexpensive celebration one could have!!

17th May

Today we (family members) had a post-dinner meeting to discuss the necessary steps to educate my grand-daughters SEBI and Nifty…We want them to be in the field of finance according to our family tradition…Hence we decided to buy a Stock Market Simulation Game for SEBI who will be in 4th standard this year (while her classmates were still playing Need for Speed)…And we thought that Charts of ABCD, fruits and vegetables are of no use for Nifty who will be in 1st standard this year…We need to replace those charts with stock charts…so that she can get a feel of stock market movements…Tomorrow I am going to teach her Financial ABCD…A for Amortization…B for Balance Sheet…C for Cost-Sheet…D for Derivatives…E for EPS…F for Futures…and so on…

19th June

Tonight, after appearing for weekly ET test conducted within our family, SEBI and Nifty insisted for a bedtime story. I told them the stories of double-digit inflation and crude oil prices in our times…They were so thrilled to listen to those stories…They went to sleep, only when I promised to tell them Harshad Mehta’s and Ketan Parkeh’s Stories next day...

6th July

SEBI baby came to me and said “Dude!! (Dadaji is a thing of past…) Would you do my homework?”…I agreed to do it..I was surprised to know that she had subjects like Marketing and HR in 4th standard!! I did her homework, which is as follows:

Mktg Qn: If you have to re-brand “khaki-vardi” of police with new name, what would it be?

Answer: ‘Note-Worthy”!

HR Qn: State any Universal Law of Human Behaviour…

Answer: Every beautiful girl has a brother who is over-protective of her sister, but at the same time can flirt with sisters of remaining brothers in the world…And every beautiful girl has a father who thinks that no one in this world is eligible to marry his daughter.

G.K. Qn: If a mouse is afraid of a Cat, then Cat is afraid of whom?

Answer: Curiosity…because Curiosity kills the cat…

I am sure SEBI will get maximum marks for this home assignment...

4th August

These are the Headlines in today’s newspaper:

-Sachin wants to play next World Cup…He wants Team India to win atleast 1 World Cup in his career

-Dev-aanand announced his next movie…”Censor –Part 10”…His heroine will be 16-year old girl…

-Mr.L.K. Adwani would be BJP’s PM candidate for next election

-India will become super-power by 2100 – President

23rd October

I had a heated argument with my wife over economic conditions of India…and she didn’t talk to me for the rest of the day…Finally I told her…”See…in the past, we had such heated arguments twice…and when I tried to persuade you, we had Nasdaq (my son) and Nikkei (my daughter)…and now I don’t want to launch another Index in our family…!!”

8th November

Today is Nikkei’s birthday…I gifted her a Warren Buffett‘s book…As she turned 30 today…I asked her what type of boy(?) she would prefer to marry…She replied,” I want a husband who is 3-4 years elder to me…He must be a CEO…must be financially settled… His earnings should enable me to have a ‘comfortable life’…He should be tall, dark (not really!) and handsome… If his house is located at western suburbs, then sone pe suhaagaa…And I am ready to wait till I find such guy…Why should I settle for less?”…I scratched my bald head and thought…”This is 2050…but criteria have remained the same for girls…”

My 1st encounter… with my would-be wife!!

Here are the excerpts from my Auto-biography (which would be published during my post-retirement life), which narrates the story of my 1st meeting with my wife…Here it goes:

On one gloomy day, my aunty called my mom to announce that she had one Rishta for me…My mom excitedly passed this news to me…Being busy in reading Economic Times, I just asked her with blank expressions on my face, ”Is she an MBA in Finance? Does she work in field of Finance?” Only after getting positive answers to my questions, I asked my mom to inform her to meet me at a restaurant…

Can you guess the name of that restaurant??…If you know me well, you can guess it right…Being cost-effective person, I didn’t invite her to some expensive hotel…but to Mani’s @ Matunga…an economical Udipi restaurant…

We both reached there at the same time…Because we both were late by half-an-hour…Even she was not punctual like me…We chatted on the subjects of finance and economy…and we came to the conclusion that we both were on the same wave-length…When discussion reached to the word “Marriage”…We decided to devise some Rules & Regulations for us – to have a ‘financially sound and stable’ post-marriage life…And the Treaty that we signed contained following details:

1) To produce financial details of each other viz., Pay-slip, Bank Statement, IT returns, NSC and Other Investment Certificates, Insurance Policies documents, Demat A/c Statement…(She also asked for property papers…She was the perfect choice for me!!) Only after verifying these details, our Marriage will get confirmed…

2) To go for Court Marriage…If we cut down Marriage expenses (i.e. Initial Outflow) to minimal amount, then we would be able to achieve higher IRR…

3) To share the household expenses in fixed proportion and personal expenses to be borne individually…

4) Separate books of accounts will be maintained and they will be audited every month.

5) At the end of every month, budget for the next month would be prepared. If any one of us is found spending beyond Target or investing below Target, he/she would be monetarily penalized and amount of fine will be credited to our Joint a/c. Spending and Investment targets will be revised southwards and northwards respectively…’Cost-minimization with Investment-maximization’ would be mission statement for our lives…

6) Only CNBC and NDTV Profit would be watched in our house…

7) We would subscribe to at least 3 financial newspapers and 2 business magazines…

8) Gold will be bought as an investment…not for ornamental purposes…

9) Our children would become MBAs in Finance only…and we would encourage (Read: force) them to be CFAs…

As our thoughts and future projections matched, I asked her one question…”What do you think about Marriage?”…She replied… ”Marriage is not the acquisition…it is the Merger of two lives!”…and this answer convinced me that she was the perfect choice for me…I decided to take the next step…I did put a ring (obviously not of Gold – but imitation jewellery - worth Rs.5) in Idli-sambhaar dish…which she got while finishing sambhaar…And she immediately said Yes to me!!...At the same time, she licked that sambhar dripping from the ring…just to ensure that nothing is wasted (i.e. to maximize Resource utilization) even though I had paid the bill reluctantly…I was so delighted to get such a Makkhi-choos wife (or Angoothi-choos?)…

I had always dreamt of this in my life…Aaj mera sapna poora ho gaya…