Having spent all the valentine-days in my life with ‘single’ status tagged on my love-resume, my hopeless mind knew that this valentine-day also was not going to be special…Without any opportunity and plans to celebrate it, I had no choice but to spend it like an ordinary day…But the good thing was…Even though my soul had become ultra-pessimistic about love, my brain had a strategic angle to dig out opportunities in the face of adversities…And my brain got its fodder, when I read a news article…The article was related to V-Day celebrations which were opposed by some CulturalTaalibaans… This moral police-force had dared couples to celebrate v-day…and if they dare to do it, those couples will be forced to marry…on the spot!!
Immediately my opportunistic mind started working at extra-pace…I thought…If I get noticed by these cultural activists with a beautiful girl (even though i am a stranger to her), I would get married!!...And if this happens, it would seemingly have 3 advantages:
1) Without any efforts / expenses / risk / waiting time to pataav her, she would be mine…
2) My marriage would be absolutely free of cost…
3) I don’t have to convince my parents about love-marriage…No emotional black-mailing….No senti dialogues using heavy words like khaandaan ki ijjat etc etc…
Having decided my strategy to get married, I left for college in the morning…And I was still wondering how to reduce the cost of V-day gifts…So that I can hold those gifts in my hand and pretend to be celebrating V-day – to fool those morons …I saw some activists thrashing few gift-shops in the protest of V-day…Sensing an opportunity, I also chanted anti-V-day slogans and barged into one shop…I looted whatever cards and gifts I could…Thus I had enough ‘chori-kaa-maal’ for the day to try my luck…
I knew that these activists won’t enter my college…So I didn’t try any thing adventurous there…But when my friends went for lunch, I ensured that I was sitting next to a beautiful girl from my group…I was waiting eagerly to get caught by those activists…I was eating my food as slowly as possible…I ordered more food items just to buy time…But no one came and I lost my 1st chance of the day…
Having no luck at my college…I decided to move towards an area predominantly occupied by commercial buildings…I found one beautiful woman…wearing a blazer, she looked like a high-profile executive…In this kind of recession, it was good idea to have a wife earning loads of money…I stood next to her…holding all the V-day gifts and cards in my hand…And within few seconds, those vandalizing activists came from no-where…They caught me 'red'-handed (with those red-coloured gifts)…I was so delighted at the thought of marrying her…Socha…Meri to nikal padi…Lekin haay re meri footi kismat… They asked her to tie a raakhi …which she happily did… :-(
Having tried all strategies in vain, I decided to go to a pub later that night…I thought those activists would come there to beat ‘pub-going, forward and loose women’ (that’s what their agenda says)…I had a plan to save one such girl from them (I still don’t know how was I going to do it, considering my size) and then propose to her…Once I entered there, I resisted myself from dancing ..I didn’t want my prey to run away before I could catch her…So I had no other option than to keep eating expensive food-items endlessly…waiting for those guys to attack the pub…Finally I gave up all the hopes of their arrival…and decided not to return to home - without proposing to any girl…I didn’t want to waste those V-day gifts (even though I had got them for free)…So I proposed to a drunken girl…Hoping that at least she would say yes to me in that state of drunkenness…But I didn’t know that she was still conscious…and I realized it when she threw her pair of sandals on me…Without bothering to return those sandals, I held that pair in my hand…Just like Aamir Khan held bundle of notes (given by Asin) close to his heart in the movie 'Ghajini'…Frustrated with my love-life, I wanted to spoil their night…Just to scare those people, I shouted anti-V-day slogans loudly…pretending to be a volunteer of Cultural Taalibaans…and all the girls present there - showered me with pink chaddis…(obviously they had brought these gifts separately)...
Next morning…When I got rid of V-day hangover and practical sense managed to prevail over my brain… I did following business activities:
1) I sold those sandals in chor-bazaar…
2) I sold those V-day cards and gifts to a gift-shop in the next lane...
3) I gave the entire collection of pink chaddis to those moral taalibaans...They gave me pink sarees in exchange…which in turn, got sold at higher realization…
Thus I made a decent profit…without investing any capital!!
After completing all these re-sale transactions, I checked photographs in the newspaper…One picture showed that a boy was forced by cultural activists to marry a donkey…Really…I was fortunate enough to have such a beautiful sister...!!
