Mythological IPL....Indra Prastha League…

(Warning: Read this post only if you are good at Indian Mythology...)

This time God was fed up with life in heaven…He wanted to bring some entertainment, but had no idea how to do it...He searched for a right person to come up with innovative ideas…As he referred to records of each citizen in heaven, he came across my profile…I had submitted a fake certificate…which showed that I had participated in college festivals as a volunteer…He thought that I had enough experience in Event Management and called me upon to discuss the matter…And impressed with my idea, he again committed a mistake of making me in-charge of the event…

I launched an event called IPL - Indra Prastha League…between 2 teams viz; Mytho-Heroes and Dare-Devils…I completed the formalities of auctions, contracts, broadcasting rights, etc etc…To make the environment in the stadium lively and cheerful…I employed a DJ there and asked him to belt-out peppy Hindi songs only…(Because I could never understand lyrics of English songs in my life…except one English song: Brazil)...I Deployed Menaka-Urvashi-Rambha-and-other-Apsaras as Cheer-leaders…(I am better at finding alternative uses of scarce resources)…Served Amrut in the pavilion (just like Vijay Kaallya served beer in the Banglore stadium)…

And history repeated itself through this IPL match...

Mytho-Heroes won the toss and elected to bat first…

Bheema used Gada for batting and hit sixes only… Some bowlers of Dare-devils used bows-n-arrows to send cricket-ball at higher speed towards the batsmen…Dushasan was asked to do fielding on boundary-line…but he was often seen to be busy in fiddling with clothes of cheer-leaders…He was repeating Vastraa-harana episode there…Unfortunately cheer-leaders didn’t have miles of saree material to cover them up…They just kicked him hard and he had to declare himself ‘retired hurt’…Abhimanyu again couldn’t clear the Chakrya-vyuha of close-in fielders and didn’t trouble scorers much...Laxman got injured and God Hanuman brought medicines for him from Neelgiri mountain...Raavan wanted to tease him and repeat the Monkey-gate scandal...But he still had not forgotten 'Lanka-on-fire' episode...

When Dare-devils turned up for batting…Bhima came to bowl; his beamer landed on Duryodhana’s thighs and drew blood out of it…(In the past, Bhima had vowed to do this act…to take revenge of Draupadi’s insult)...Raavan arrived on the crease with his 10 heads…Sponsor ran out of money after providing 10 helmets to him…And he could virtually monitor movements of a bowler and other 9 fielders (excluding wicket-keeper)…He remained not-out in the match… Jaydrath didn’t come out for batting…as he was scared of flood-lights…He thought Krishna would switch off the lights and would kill him… (In the past, Krishna had killed him by creating artificial darkness with his sudarshan-chakra)…Karna was taking his guard…Seeing him not ready for delivery, Arjun sent a Yorker knocking the stumps...(In the past, Arjun had killed him when he was trying to bring a wheel of chariot out of mud)… Laxman’s bouncer broke Shuparnakha’s nose…and she complained to Raavan again…He couldn’t do anything…as he didn’t want to lose out on the contract amount…remembering what happened with Bhajji in 'Slap-gate' scandal…Arjun, as a fielder, got credited with many run-outs as he could hit the stump with one eye closed…

And Mytho-Heroes predictably won the match…As Good always prevails over bad…

Other Details of the Match: Bhishma wanted to watch this IPL match…Being used to bed-of-arrows, he couldn’t sit on a chair…Later, a special bed-of-stumps was arranged for him… Kumbhakarna thought a day-n-night match would continue for a year…As his 1 day equaled 6 months and he slept for 6 months thereafter…Shakuni-mama operated as a punter, taking bets on matches…Dhrut-rashtra was appointed as an umpire…to help Dare-devils win…by turning a blind eye to all the appeals against them…But it didnt help them at all...As he wanted to go to rest-room...He frequently raised his finger during Dare-devil's inning...Sanjay played the role of commentator (In the past, he used to update Dhrut-rashtra about war happenings…He was the first LIVE news channel reporter in the world…)

And Pandavaas again lost a bet on match and were sent on earth for vanvaas…

God Tussi Great Ho...!!

Bang Bang Bang…Stock market crashed down like a pack of cards…and my heart-beats increased at double the rate of downfall…Market ended in circuit filter and it choked the blood-vessels in my heart…It stopped working and I headed straight to heaven…

At the entrance of heaven, I found a security guard checking my details…His ID card revealed his name as ‘Chitragupt’…Shocked about my sudden exit from earth, I started the conversation:

Me: What the hell am I doing here?

C.G: This is not the ‘hell’…You are in heaven…

Me: But why me only? Why not anyone else?

C.G: God wanted to reduce the no. of cynical and pessimistic minds on earth…that’s why…

Me: But I haven’t done anything good in my life…So why am I in heaven and not hell?

C.G: Let me check your details….Ummm…You did only one good thing in your life…One girl had proposed to you in your college life and you had said NO to her…Later she got married…She still remembers you everyday and thanks you for making her life beautiful by rejecting her proposal…

Me: Ohhh…But this is not fair…I am still unmarried…I never got a chance to be romantic with any girl…And you guys made me come here…Total waste of my life!!...By the way…Do you have any matrimonial sites here?...If not, at least tell me if there is any girl who will be ready to marry me…

C.G: Right now, we don’t have any girl here who wants to ruin her peaceful life in heaven…But if any girl wants to go to hell, we would advise her to marry you…

Finally I unwillingly entered heaven…and got bored on the first day only…It was such a quiet and dull environment there…Everybody were reading holy books…singing verses praising God… Life was not hectic …There was no work to do…No need to earn money…Everything came free of cost…Anyone could drink Amrut without paying for it…Gold coins were lying there without any use…Nobody bothered to pick/steal them…I wanted to read ET, but how could ET be there if there was no economy at all…I searched for like-minded people, but couldn’t find anyone…Hanging there like a bored soul…I decided to raise this issue with God…

I, being a MBA finance guy, gave a PowerPoint presentation and explained the benefits of LPG (Liberalization, Privatization and Globalization) to God…How badly heaven needed an economy and developed financial markets…How God was making people in heaven lazy bums…(I had Marketing subject in 1^st semester of MBA…Finally, I could it use somewhere)…Bored with my presentation, He surrendered to my idea…and gave me the permission to go ahead with my plans…

I declared myself as CFO of heaven (of course, God was CEO)…Appointed Kuber as Treasury Manager…I wanted some of my friends at MET college, to work with me…I planned to bring them to heaven, but scrapped the plan as Yamraj didn’t approve it…I started working to set up an economy in heaven…I did put up a price tag on everything available there…and declared Gold coins as official currency of heaven..Thus forced people to work to earn their bread n butter…To provide them Jobs, I floated various companies…To generate some business for these companies, I undertook infrastructure and construction projects…To raise funds for these activities, I came up with IPOs…To get them listed, I created a stock exchange named as BSE…i.e. Bhagwaan’s Stock Exchange (as I did everything in the name of God…) I linked its trading to NSE…i.e. Narak Stock Exchange which was headed by Harshad Mehta…I did put Amrut in the bottles…Sold it through a chain of Bar n Restaurants ‘The-Wine (Di-Vine) Intervention’…Recruited Menaka-Urvashi-Rambha-and-other-Apsaras to dance there…Thank god, Heaven didn’t have any Home Minister like Maharashtra State has…I did set up banks to lend money to people…distributed credit cards and made them habituated to spend on credit…Disbursed housing loans without worrying about their repayment ability…I allowed FDI from Narak…All I wanted to do was…to have a booming economy there…

And my efforts began to offer fruits immediately…Peaceful minds turned into workaholic minds….Everybody started chasing money to survive there…Bribes, frauds, corruption, robberies started with introduction of money…Traders and Harshad Mehta from Narak manipulated stock market operations…Scams became routine affairs…People got used to throw gold coins in the bar (that’s why Apsaras had helmets on their heads)…Overspending became the lifestyle…Realty prices in the heaven got over-heated…Things became expensive day-by-day…Interest rates started going north-wards…People started defaulting on their repayments…and this heavenly Sub-Prime crisis swallowed every part of the economy that I had set up…

God asked me what could be done to bail-out the economy…I said, “My surname is Belekar…not ‘Bail’ekar…I am ready to accept my defeat”…Owning the responsibility, I resigned from my Job…And admitted that money doesn’t always keep you going in your life…We need to ensure that we have ‘Peace of mind guaranteed’…I realized why God kept the things simple in heaven…"God…Tussi great ho!!..."

P.S: ‘mAd’venture in the heaven continues…