(Warning: Someone would say that story of an alien is a fantasy of a 16-yr old boy…And Yes…I agree…But having an affair with an alien is an adult concept…Read this post only if you are above 18 years)
It was my 32nd birthday…Instead of celebrating it with my friends…I went into hiding at home and mourning for my fate…Reason was…at this age, I was still unmarried...Everyone who I had met, used to ask about my marriage and pour acid on my wounds…Thank God! My mom had not watched the movie: Fashion and fortunately I was not into fashion industry…So my mom still had some hope… Thinking about this issue with a sour face, I planned to end my life with a knife, which had been used to cut my birthday cake over the years…And suddenly a miracle took place…A spacecraft landed in my balcony and an alien-like creature stepped out…Before I could believe my eyes (rather specs) and say something…that creature started talking…
It: Hi Belekar…I have come from Mars planet…My name is ‘Zaadu’! - sister of Jaadu…who was a supporting actor in Koi Mil Gaya…
As she was introducing herself, I was really confused whether she was really a female or not…even though she had called herself sister of Jaadu...Do aliens have males and females?...Or some extra types also?...I also knew that Men are from Mars..So how can it be a woman from Mars?...But as that creature was talking endlessly, I could guess it was a female and it was true that I didn’t know about anatomy of aliens…Hence I had no other option to cross-verify the fact…So..I had to believe that it was She…
Me: Why are you here?
Zaadu: I want to marry you…
Me: But why me?
Zaadu: Marriage has been a problem for me also…Actually I am so ugly (who says aliens look pretty?) that no male on Mars is interested in me…And I am a Maanglik also...(even though she was from Mars!) So people (aliens) are scared to marry me…as it would create lots of troubles in their life…As there was no possibility of marriage, I prayed to God and he answered…"There is one 32-yr old boy on earth…His name is Yogesh Belekar…He is the only one whom u can marry..(i.e cheat easily)…He matches your ugly look and your maanglik status would not affect his life…because it has already become a mess…and can’t be worse than this"…That’s why I came to propose you… By the way…Why didn’t you get married? Was there no girl in your life?
Me: Actually I have had many girls who are my friends…who consider me as their best friend…But no one was interested in me…and they kept saying…”Yogesh…you deserve someone better!”…But they refused to consider themselves ‘better’ girls and thought they deserved the ‘best’!...So I continued with my responsibility of being ‘best friend’ and suffered from not being adventurous, outgoing, CFO/CEO, inheritably rich or blessed with luxurious/comfortable lifestyle…In fact, one girl rejected me because I do less shopping than she does!
Zaadu: Anyways…these petty reasons don’t matter to me...I am ready to marry you!!
Ohhh God…Once I had jokingly said that no girl on ‘earth’ would ever understand me!!...I wasn’t fool to convert this last opportunity into lost opportunity…I immediately said Yes to her and planned for registered marriage…Because I knew that everyone from my friend-circle had got married..They would come along with their life-partners and children…And this would increase the cost of marriage!! But then I thought…Anyways this aliens don’t know about legalities of marriage…Why should I spend my money to complete the formalities?...I chucked this plan also…I settled for live-in-alliance with aliens!
I was really thrilled to experience married (?) life for the 1st time…I had never imagined that my day would start with ET (Economic Times) and my night would start with ET (Extra-Terrestrial) wife…People do have extra-marital affairs and I was having extra-terrestrial affair…!! I was so happy with my marriage that I used to wander on the streets, waving my hands horizontally and singing ‘Koi Mil gaya’ song like Hrithik did…(Unfortunately I had to stop this dance one day, when I heard one kid saying “ Arey es paagal ko patthar maro!!”)
Problem with this ‘marriage’ was: I couldn’t take her out of home, worrying about peoples reactions…And I couldn’t pack her into a jute bag (as Jaadu was transported in the movie) as there was every possibility of police force checking my bag – thinking of me as a terrorist…I thought of buying a burkha for her…But I didn’t like imagining what people would say about me : “Was he so desperate for marriage?” (which was true)…So I converted this problem into cost-saving opportunity…Being confined to home, she couldn’t ask for shopping, outing, movies…I could save a lot on account of this..The only problem remaining was that she couldn’t cook food…But expenses on buying food from outside were compensated by her incompatibility with human food…She used to take some pills…
On one evening, I returned from office…She was smiling and blushing…I asked for the reason…She was feeling shy to tell me…When I persisted, she told me the Good news (I mean…Breaking news)
Here is the conversation:
Zaadu: I am pregnant!
Me: What? How can it be possible? I haven’t done anything to you…In fact, I couldn’t figure out how to do it!!
Zaadu: Still it happened!
Me: But you were on pills…right?
Zaadu: You idiot…those pills are vitamin pills…I survive by consuming them…
Me: I am still clueless how did it happen…
Zaadu: Sab ‘upar’waale ki meherbaani hai…
Me: Ohh..so it happened because of Mr. Sharma who stays on upper floor….
Zaadu: You are doubting on my character?? Shak shak Shak…What the ****!! (When did she watch Golmaal returns?)
And she started throwing various things at me…whatever she could grab by her hands…Obviously the first thing to hit my head was ‘belan’…she had become perfect Indian wife!!
(Now you would ask me how can she converse in Hindi and English??...Even though she was an alien..I would take creative liberty here…Remember…how foreign characters in bollywood movies speak Hindi…)
I escaped this dangerous situation and managed to stay alive luckily…But another problem emerged…Her relatives started visiting our home frequently – with their spacecrafts…My neighbours became suspicious about me…they thought I have got some magical powers and stopped talking to me…In addition to this, my saala Jaadu and my wife were pursuing me to come to their planet and stay there for lifetime…They were sure that I would enjoy it and insisted that Mars planet needed a finance professional like me..I told them…"I might be knowing about International finance…but I dont know anything about Inter-planetary finance"…But they refused to budge from their stand…My wife was threatening me of divorce…and constantly reminding me that no one else would marry me as she did…
Irritated with threats, I conceived a jabardast plan to get rid of them…I agreed to their demand, but with one condition…they had to match my dance steps…They said yes to it…considering it rubbish…When I started with my wild dance..and they tried to match those steps…They ended up having all of their limbs broken in pieces…Scared with my dance and caring for their lives…they fled from planet earth…I believe they would have reached their planet safely !!
Disclaimer:
1) This post doesn't say that I am desparate for marriage...It is just an imagination...
2) I don't have any 'such' intentions towards my best friends (who are girls)...So no need to panick..They are safe...
