Papa Sehte Hai…

(Note: This post is a sequel to earlier post on my blog...)

It was 7 a.m. in the clock…I opened the door to get today’s newspaper…As usual, I checked my astrological prediction first…It said: You will get a surprise gift, which you can never forget in your life…I frowned with disbelief…As I was about to close the door, I found a basket lying at the door…I checked it and found that there was a baby inside…There was a note also attached to his nappy…

Note said: “Hi Belekar…Zaadu here…You managed to get rid of me…But you have to take up the responsibility of your child…And if you still doubt whether it is your child or not…Please check ugly looks of baby… One more thing…Don’t push this basket to next door…Your neighbour has already 4 kids…If they do the same with you; you would be in real trouble…Besides, a baby with your looks in neighbour’s house…You know what people would say about you…so bring up your own child…”

I looked at the baby’s face…Going by the ‘face value’, I had to believe that it was the maturity value of my instrument…(I mean Financial instrument here)…I still couldn’t figure out how did it happen.…But I had to act according to the script written by destiny…Suddenly I became concerned about one thing…On the pretext of changing wet nappy (obviously of baby!), I checked whether baby was an alien or a human being…Yes…It was a human being…in fact, a baby boy…I congratulated myself reluctantly and took him inside my house…Really..Some ‘mistakes’ do cost you your life…

I named him as ‘Laadu’…in the memory of my estranged wife…Bringing up a child is not a child’s play…I had enjoyed ‘Hey Baby’ movie…But never thought that it would be a reality in my life one day…I took a wise decision…I appointed a caretaker for my son…But knowing that I was unmarried and still had a son, she always was scared of me whenever I was in the house…I had no other option…Being a bollywood fan, I had always listened to dialogues like…” Beta, Muze darr tha ki kahi tuze dusri maa kaa pyaar naa mile…Es liye maine kabhi dusri shaadi nahi ki”…I found it as an excuse which could glorify the fact that no one was ready to marry me…So I decided to remain unmarried just for the sake of my son…(No further wild questions…Please!!)

Having an alien mother gave some peculiar characteristics to Laadu…He could float in air for a short time…which helped him to excel in sports…and he never got hurt when his school-bus raced off bouncy roads…(And he never had any trouble in learning the concept of ‘Floating’ Interest rates) …He had a different accent…different look…being a cross-breed of an alien and a human being…People used to tease him…laugh at him…So I gave him my photo to carry in his pocket…Whenever he felt bad about himself and his looks…He always looked at that photo to get rid of his frustration…and to experience superiority complex…

As Jr. Belekar grew up, I succeeded in imbibing my philosophy and financial sense in him…And I was happy that he had become an ultimate ‘chindhi and makkhi-choos’ boy…If I had the strong foundation, he had built extra floors on it…I was proud to be his father…

One day he came to me and asked:

Laadu: Dad, How was I born?

Me: I don’t know…I am still clueless how it happened…

Laadu: Can you tell me my mom’s name? Where is she now? Can I meet her?

Me: That’s not possible my son…

Laadu: Why did you remain unmarried?

Before I could answer his question with a bollywood dialogue mentioned above, he said:

Laadu: Dad, I hope you are not…

And he ran away…I was surprised with his question and extra knowledge he had gained recently…I came to know that he has grown up…With my 2 eyes and specs, I had 4-sight (literally) to sense what was going to happen next…

One day I caught him watching blue films in his room…Being a good father, I started shouting at him…

Me: What were you watching?

Laadu: You saw it and I am surprised that you still don’t know what it was…

Me: That’s not the issue…Who taught you such things? ...Your friends? ... Who gave you this obscene material?…I can tell you my son, you are in bad company…

Laadu: I got it from your wardrobe…Dad...You have nice collection of DVDs…!!

Next time onwards, I became co-spectator with him and his friends…Sometimes…You have to adjust a little bit with next generation…Truly…I was the best father in the world…

One night, I was having my drink quietly…My son sat next to me and said…

Laadu: Dad, why don’t you try whisky? For how many years, you would continue with this vodka…Don’t you get bored with the ‘same stuff’ every night…??

Me: Being unmarried, that’s the only thing I can have every night…

Before I could recover from his question and my answer…I could guess that he has started with drinking recently…But I didn’t dare shout at him as I knew that it would land me in a trouble…I immediately checked my cupboard and counted the bottles that I had kept there…I was relieved to know that they were in same numbers…But knowing his nature…I examined each bottle whether they were empty or not…

Laadu: Don’t worry Dad…I don’t drink from the bottles in your cupboard…I arrange for the parties at our second home…In turn, my friends pay for my drink…and next morning I sell those empty bottles lying in our house, to the local kabaadi-waala…and earn regular income…

When it came to chindhi-ness…He proved that ‘ baap ek numbari toh beta dus numbari’...But I was still his ‘baap’ and reduced the amount of pocket-money he used to receive from me…citing the reason of his extra-income using my 2^nd home…

Laadu had some kind of 6^th Sense...as he had in-built antenna (but not visible) like aliens do have…He could sense any extra-ordinary thing…That’s why he could become so successful in the stock market…Despite having this gifted ability, he could never understand any girl residing on the earth…And I came to know this....When I saw him very confused and upset…I decided to have a chat with him…I asked him the reason for his miserable state…

Laadu: Dad...How can I fit myself into a girl’s criteria?

I remained quiet…

Laadu: Dad…What women really want?

I looked out of window displeasure showing on my face…

Laadu: Why don’t girls admit that they think practically?

Now I had become confused and upset…

I gave him handful of money and ordered him to have bucketful of drink…I didn’t want Jr. Belekar to suffer from the same reason that haunted Sr. Belekar during his lifetime…

On one lazy Sunday…A lady called Laadu on landline…I picked up the phone…and gave it to him…I was so happy that my son finally had an affair..At the same time, I couldn’t resist myself from the temptation of eaves-dropping…I heard their conversation on parallel line…Here is the verbatim-transcript of the same:

Lady: Sir…I am a ‘broker’…Would you like to have something that I can arrange for?

Laadu: Yes…I have an ‘open’ interest for it…I would like to have ‘options’…

Lady: We have various options sir…I am sure those will satisfy your requirements…What do you want?

Laadu: I want 2 ‘put’…

Lady: Where sir? Any specific choice?

Laadu: Bharti…

Lady: Sir, Bharti will cost you Rs. 600…Why don’t you try Aarti? That will be cheaper for you…

Laadu: I don’t give importance to cost factor when ‘value’ matters…When it comes to picking a 'company'...I assign more price if I find ‘Top’-line and ‘Bottom’-line figures good…

Lady: Sir, what position you would like to have? ‘Naked’ or ‘covered’? Naked position will cost you more…

Laadu: Of course first one…

Lady: At what 'level' you would like to enter?

Laadu: I would enter at ‘bottom’ level…And I would exit at ‘peak’ level…

Lady: How would you like to settle the ‘deal’?

Laadu: From your end, get it ‘physically settled’…I would ensure that it gets ‘cash-settled’ from my end…

Lady: Sir, last question…I want to update your details in our system…You completed your ‘Inter-course’ in this year…right?

Laadu: Yes…

Lady: Thanks sir…Have a nice ‘time’!

I was going to faint almost…Ending this conversation, Laadu put down the receiver and yelled at me: “Dad...I know what you were doing there…and I can imagine what your dirty mind would have thought of us when you overheard our conversation…We were talking about options in Bharti Airtel & Aarti Drugs stocks and she was asking about details of my CA Inter course…!!”

From that day onwards, my son used to call me ‘Dada Kondke’ in Finance…the highest degree of honour…for a veteran expert at giving non-veg tadka to finance!!

Years passed…My son had great achievements to his credit…both educational and financial…But he never managed to find a girl who in turn can consider him suitable for her…And, then, the thing that i had feared the most happened…He married a girl without informing me…and brought her to home…And when she lifted her gunghat…I could realize in my conscious state that she was an alien…

You can just say….’His-story’ repeats itself…

(Note:

1. If you didn't like this sequel, blame the readers who asked for it...I never take the responsibility for any bad work done by me...

2. Terms used in the telephonic conversation are 'borrowed' from financial terminology...I haven't derived/coined these terms just to make conversation sound non-veg...)