Bang Bang Bang…Stock market crashed down like a pack of cards…and my heart-beats increased at double the rate of downfall…Market ended in circuit filter and it choked the blood-vessels in my heart…It stopped working and I headed straight to heaven…
At the entrance of heaven, I found a security guard checking my details…His ID card revealed his name as ‘Chitragupt’…Shocked about my sudden exit from earth, I started the conversation:
Me: What the hell am I doing here?
C.G: This is not the ‘hell’…You are in heaven…
Me: But why me only? Why not anyone else?
C.G: God wanted to reduce the no. of cynical and pessimistic minds on earth…that’s why…
Me: But I haven’t done anything good in my life…So why am I in heaven and not hell?
C.G: Let me check your details….Ummm…You did only one good thing in your life…One girl had proposed to you in your college life and you had said NO to her…Later she got married…She still remembers you everyday and thanks you for making her life beautiful by rejecting her proposal…
Me: Ohhh…But this is not fair…I am still unmarried…I never got a chance to be romantic with any girl…And you guys made me come here…Total waste of my life!!...By the way…Do you have any matrimonial sites here?...If not, at least tell me if there is any girl who will be ready to marry me…
C.G: Right now, we don’t have any girl here who wants to ruin her peaceful life in heaven…But if any girl wants to go to hell, we would advise her to marry you…
Finally I unwillingly entered heaven…and got bored on the first day only…It was such a quiet and dull environment there…Everybody were reading holy books…singing verses praising God… Life was not hectic …There was no work to do…No need to earn money…Everything came free of cost…Anyone could drink Amrut without paying for it…Gold coins were lying there without any use…Nobody bothered to pick/steal them…I wanted to read ET, but how could ET be there if there was no economy at all…I searched for like-minded people, but couldn’t find anyone…Hanging there like a bored soul…I decided to raise this issue with God…
I, being a MBA finance guy, gave a PowerPoint presentation and explained the benefits of LPG (Liberalization, Privatization and Globalization) to God…How badly heaven needed an economy and developed financial markets…How God was making people in heaven lazy bums…(I had Marketing subject in 1st semester of MBA…Finally, I could it use somewhere)…Bored with my presentation, He surrendered to my idea…and gave me the permission to go ahead with my plans…
I declared myself as CFO of heaven (of course, God was CEO)…Appointed Kuber as Treasury Manager…I wanted some of my friends at MET college, to work with me…I planned to bring them to heaven, but scrapped the plan as Yamraj didn’t approve it…I started working to set up an economy in heaven…I did put up a price tag on everything available there…and declared Gold coins as official currency of heaven..Thus forced people to work to earn their bread n butter…To provide them Jobs, I floated various companies…To generate some business for these companies, I undertook infrastructure and construction projects…To raise funds for these activities, I came up with IPOs…To get them listed, I created a stock exchange named as BSE…i.e. Bhagwaan’s Stock Exchange (as I did everything in the name of God…) I linked its trading to NSE…i.e. Narak Stock Exchange which was headed by Harshad Mehta…I did put Amrut in the bottles…Sold it through a chain of Bar n Restaurants ‘The-Wine (Di-Vine) Intervention’…Recruited Menaka-Urvashi-Rambha-and-other-Apsaras to dance there…Thank god, Heaven didn’t have any Home Minister like Maharashtra State has…I did set up banks to lend money to people…distributed credit cards and made them habituated to spend on credit…Disbursed housing loans without worrying about their repayment ability…I allowed FDI from Narak…All I wanted to do was…to have a booming economy there…
And my efforts began to offer fruits immediately…Peaceful minds turned into workaholic minds….Everybody started chasing money to survive there…Bribes, frauds, corruption, robberies started with introduction of money…Traders and Harshad Mehta from Narak manipulated stock market operations…Scams became routine affairs…People got used to throw gold coins in the bar (that’s why Apsaras had helmets on their heads)…Overspending became the lifestyle…Realty prices in the heaven got over-heated…Things became expensive day-by-day…Interest rates started going north-wards…People started defaulting on their repayments…and this heavenly Sub-Prime crisis swallowed every part of the economy that I had set up…
God asked me what could be done to bail-out the economy…I said, “My surname is Belekar…not ‘Bail’ekar…I am ready to accept my defeat”…Owning the responsibility, I resigned from my Job…And admitted that money doesn’t always keep you going in your life…We need to ensure that we have ‘Peace of mind guaranteed’…I realized why God kept the things simple in heaven…"God…Tussi great ho!!..."
P.S: ‘mAd’venture in the heaven continues…
