Post-Subprime Career Options In My Life...

After reading so much on the financial turmoil going on, its effects on job market and placements at B-schools, it was easier for me to get frustrated…I tried my best to remain positive, but finally the cynical and pessimistic brain overpowered an eternal optimist soul within me…I searched out for career options that I can have in the present (and worst) scenario…Here is the List:

1) It is highly likely that I would take lot of time to get placed somewhere (because of market conditions)…Till that time; I can study each n every aspect of Finance and be a Finance Guru…Then I can deliver lectures at some new chintoo-mintoo management college as a Professor, to earn my bread n butter…

2) I can open a new Management Institute…(But I don’t have a pony-tail like Ravindram Choudhary!)…where receiving donations would be core-business instead of management education…

3) The only way to get placed is to start a new business…Now you will ask me, from where I am going to raise funds…I will take a loan from major Indian bank which is about to bust…Who cares for repayment, as it is going to bite the dust…(ohhh…this is turning out to be Sab-Rhyme Crisis)...

4) Just like M&A specialists or turnaround specialists, I can become a Bankruptcy Specialist. There is enough scope to advise banks/firms how to go bankrupt, avoid your liabilities, complete the formalities and fetch maximum price by selling your assets…

5) I can start a placement agency or launch a job website for the people who became jobless in this financial crisis…I can register a domain name like subprimejobs.com (just like BPOshaadi.com)…and will be the 1^st one to register my name there as a job seeker…

6) I can be an astrologer instead of Equity Research Analyst…When stock market moves on the basis of sentiments and news, people can be easily fooled to believe in movements of stars and planets, when it comes to investing in stock markets…

7) I can work as a News reporter for ET…covering news of current fiasco…how markets are going from worst to badly worst or worse than worst…

8) I can hire psychologists to open a chain named as ‘Subprime Consultants’…I can earn loads of money when people frustrated by ongoing crisis will come to us for counselling…But right now, I need a psychologist…Again, I will be the first client there…

(P.S: If you can come up with more ideas/options, please let me know…I need HELP!!…)

When Layman and Oldman move closer to the ‘Peril Inch' by inch….

Big banks in the world are tumbling like a pack of cards…making Wall Street as ‘Fall Street’…This is having repercussions on Dalaal Street…Painting it by red colour and making it look like ‘Halaal Street’…ET is giving detailed news about the whole saga…But not the prediction about what will happen in future…I wrote an article detailing after-effects of this Great Fall and presented it to ET editor…He threw it in the dustbin…So here is an article…straight from the dustbin…

What will happen if big banks continue to become bankrupt or getting sold:

1) Co-operative banks in Mumbai like Taaraswat Co-op bank and Raamrao Vithal Co-op Bank will be among largest Top 10 banks in the world…

2) These co-op banks will become hotcake at IIM placements…replacing lucrative offers from foreign banks…(you can guess who will come to smaller B-schools for placements)…

3) Dalal Street will become world’s new Financial Centre…dethroning Wall Street…

4) Tall buildings situated at Wall Street will be used for residential purposes…helping people who became home-less in subprime crisis…

5) US will blame any Islamic country for this financial crisis…will attack that country citing hidden financial weapons of mass destruction…(Read: Derivatives…)

6) Left parties in India will blame Capitalist US for downturn in Indian Stock markets…and will seek resignation of UPA government for its cordial relations with US…

7) Lehman CEO Richard Fuld will work as a Junior Analyst of Banking Sector at some small broking firm in Mumbai…

8) Bank robberies will become a thing of past…More no. of jobless people!!

9) MBA students will get more case studies…to add more no. of slides to their presentation on Subprime Crisis...

One Umbrella Can Change Your Life!!......

It was the monsoon season…I left college in the evening…and we were 3 people…me, he and she (me and he: male – she: female…This explanation is for those people who are grammatically sound and consider 'whatever-other-than-he-and-she' as third person i.e. It…) And it suddenly started raining…Fortunately, I had an umbrella with me…Unfortunately He and She didn't have umbrella…He pretended to sacrifice and I had to accommodate her under my umbrella…Considering our sizes together, one more person could easily have fitted in…So far, everything was O.K…And I got a 440-Volts shock (not because of lightening) when she held my right hand with her both hands…I felt embarrassed…Not because I disliked her…But from the fact that this happened in public…I thought each tree standing on the road, each stone lying on the road and every human being walking on the road, are looking at us…At the same time, I knew that she had utmost faith in me as a friend…but Indian public doesn't think the same way as she does…
Here is the comparison of what public might have thought and what was actually happening…
1) People thought that I forgot my friend (i.e. He) when I had a girl to share my umbrella…While I was showering him all the 'blessings' that I had in my vocabulary…for leaving me alone in a tricky situation and having a wicked laugh while running away from us…
2) People thought these 2 are walking a long path towards eternity…While it was about to end once we reached the bus-stop…
3) People thought these 2 are having romantic gupshup…While we were discussing about Derivatives lecture…
4) People thought these 2 are humming a song "Pyaar hua…ekraar hua hai…"While I was singing "Kya se kya ho gayaa…"
5) People thought that I was folding my jeans to be Raj-kapoor-look-alike…While I was preparing myself to be able to run fast…away from her…
6) People thought that I was holding umbrella to protect her from rains…While I was waiting for heavy wind…so that I could use my umbrella as a parachute…to get myself landed in safer area…
7) People said "Look at this Boy…who is jumping with Joy…" While I was comparing my footwork with that of Indian cricketers against Ajantha Mendis…
8) People thought of us as "Viru-and-basanti" from Sholay…While I was blaming myself for not pretending to be Thakur from Sholay…as it could have saved me from this embarrassment…

When we entered the bus, I kept my umbrella and my bag beside me…and thus forced her to occupy another seat…I called my distant friend from my mobile…and made her to talk to 'He'…Kitna bura hoon main…Some people talk to strangers and write a blog…And here I am, who treated my friend as a stranger and then wrote a blog…
These are the After-effects of this incident…
1) Now I don't use my umbrella to protect myself from rains…but to hide my face from public…
2) I always confirm who is coming with me and whether he or she is carrying an umbrella or not…
3) I am planning to buy a mini-umbrella…which can be attached to my head…No question of accommodating anyone…
4) And I am suffering from Umbrella-Phobia…